Guild Dinner 2017
JJW (to IRD) - "You can stroke my unicorn if you like."
SPB - "Joe's unicorn has got a nice long horn."
MAC (to RLA) - "You should see my bum!"
RLA (to IRD) - "Stay in my bed."
JJW - "Is bottom difficult?"
Guild Pancakes 2017
CJS - "Topologically, it is no longer a pancake."
BTM (to RLA) - "You might be the only person I'd rather be seen with my dad dancing."
JJW - "If you squeeze the fleshy bit, does water drop out?"
Jesus Formal 2017
RLA (to SPB) - "I don't think age has improved you."
CJS - "What speed do you ... like ... usually stroke at?"
JJW - "It's gone in as far as it's going to go."
OUS Dinner 2017
JJW - "I have a cosmic glow ... ooh!"
JJW - "I swear I'm not as think as you drunk I am."
RLA - "Courtney, you are a banana!"
CJS - "If you don't call it an addiction, it's not a problem."
CJS - (Doing origami) "I've got this, but it involves a lot of folding."
JJW - "Until you said that, I was quite enjoying the idea of being farmed."
CJS - "It isn't quite as big as I think it is."
CJS - "The Queen! Who's the queen?"
JHJE - "Sam could stay perfectly still if he were moving at 8 km/s that way."
Guild New Year 2017
RLA - "I think I've got wood chippings in my underwear ... Ooh! I do!"
SDJ - "I wouldn't be too upset about geting her in my face in the morning."
OPB - "Time to lube up this Quorn!"
SDJ - "I've got swag."
JJW (to RKF) - "I feel very privileged that you've opened your legs as a communication channel for me."
RLA - "What's that, so bony and hard? Oh, it's your hip." RKF - "That's not my hip..."
Christ's Formal 2016
BTM - "They're not your elders unless they drink more than you."
BTM - "I always wanted to be Benedict Ulysses M'Caw, but then I realised what it spelt."
Pub Trips 2016
JJW - "The only reason I don't kill people to eat them..."
HJMAA - "Well, I've tried washing up chocolate buttons."
JJW - "I was actually almost sober that time."
JRAD - "I wasn't confused, but now I am."
CJS - "I can't understand how it's not beer."
RLA - "Spillage is lickage, but not off my legs."
IRD - "Are you talking about the science of glow-in-the-dark condoms?" JHJE - "Yes." IRD - "And that is why you have never used them."
JJW (to IRD) - "It will only make it worse if you take your trousers off."
RLA - "Imogen just didn't swallow enough."
SDJ - "You've never been very affectionate with me..." IRD - "Would you like me to be?"
CJS (to HJMAA) - "Hang on, just let me get under."
CJS - "Hypothetically, if I wanted to murder someone..."
RLA - "I thought we were quite normal."
JJW (to CJS) - "Can I just check, did I spoonerise you in my head?"
JJW - "I quite like the feeling of suction against the table."
AJC (to JJW) - "Not all words have an 'l' in them."
JJW - "We didn't have any bottoms."
OPB - "... and then you stick your shaft in the hole, and then spin it around really quickly."
JJW - "I'll leave the licking for an emergency."
JED - "I think you know that if you want to whip it out, it's there."
JED - "It's nice and warm as well, if you feel the wood."
JED - "I'm still flashing on the back."
HJMAA (to RAS) - "Would you lick that one out?"
JHJE (to JED) - "If Sam suddenly fathered your child..."
CJS - "Underneath the table, you could be touching things."
JED - "... in North Yorkshire." CJS - "That's not even super close to Germany, is it?"
SUA Weekend 2016
JJW - "Is everybody happy with touching?"
CJS - "I'm not good with people either."
HJMAA - "I didn't have anything more to say." MAC - "Phew!"
OPB (to CJS) - "If sallies make you harder, that's fine!"
OPB - "Nipple rolling. Remember that."
HJMAA - "I was just making a nipple sandwich."
CJS - "It makes sense when you think about it, but when you don't..."
MAC - "What's the average toilet time? CJS - "He's left his log book at home"
Pembroke Formal 2016
CJS - "Either get me drunk or touch me!"
RLA - "James, can I come to the toilet with you?"
Guild Week 2016
JJW - "I was going to turn off all the dark."
HJMAA - "How long does an 8 minute bus journey take?"
JJW - "Ooh! I've got a good flow going."
Alternative Dinner 2016
RLA - "These are the kind of balls where if they were animals, I'd want to take them and pet them."
RLA - "Do you want me to carry on doing this some more... I can't stop salivating, I was going to stop."
RLA - "I like stroking and pulling... My hobbies do involve stroking and pulling."
SPB (to OPB) - "Do you stroke before you pull or pull before you stroke?"
RLA - "I can live my life as a mushroom dumpling, that wouldn't be too bad actually."
SPB - "Can I suggest that we change the rules to let animals in?" IRD - "Then we can have Rachel!"
DCWR - "Where's it from?" JED - "I don't know because it's in French."
RLA - "Where are my bush things?"
SPB - "Courtney went straight in there with the balls."
JED - "Every time I do it, it hurts and so I stop."
CJS - "Oh man, I've been bad sometimes."
RLA - "Where does it go?" JJW - "I've found the holes."
Various Pub Trips 2016
JJW (to CJS) - "Are your balls extraordinarily big?"
CJS - "People don't get smarter the more you add up their decisions."
OPB (to JJW) - "Inside voice please."
JHJE - "If you've ever been in a portaloo, you know what evil smells like."
RLA - "You are a top baguette, Oli."
OPB - "I can't believe anyone could be fundamentally cleverer than me."
LTWS - "What's your favourite coursing order?"
CJS - "Well, time to inseminate myself."
SDJ - "I can't handle large balls."
JJW - "My sphere of fear is filled with beer."
JJW - "I'm scared, I don't know what I like."
Guild Dinner 2016
JJW - "Rachel, can you take that much loving?"
JJW - "I love all the Guild! I love the Guild! I love the Guild! I love the Guild!"
JJW - "It's got remarkably less late since I got the drunked."
JJW - "I'm drunk and I'm more right than you are."
JRAD - "I don't want to spend my entire life quoting Joe."
CJS - "I often grope at things, but it doesn't mean I want them."
Pub February 2016
RLA - "Megan, just because you can't carry me doesn't mean we can't get married!"
RLA - "Stab it in and pull it out. That's the theory."
JHJE - "I don't know, I've never been dead before."
StAG February 2016
MAC - "You've already trialled, this is just going to be error."
[Silence] AJC - "My laugh's quite high-pitched, isn't it?"
OUS Dinner 2016
JJW - "I'm an experimentalist, but not that much."
JJW - "I'm quite impressed, my buttocks are fully on the chair!"
Magdalene Formal 2016
JJW - "Let's be fair, her anatomy isn't exactly standard."
OPB - "I would like to see Will in hulk mode."
WTB - "You can test out my pillar."
RLA - "I shall stem the tide of evil!"
Christmas Dinner 2015
CJS - "I love nuts!... You missed my point."
OPB - "Courtney wants to look at the boob." CJS - "It's squidgier than I thought it would be."
JRAD - "There's a probe waiting for me on my desk."
OPB - "The boob can come out again, if you like?"
OPB - " Booze, babes and bells!"
JJW - "I'll have to find my trousers again."
Pub Trips 2015
IRD - "You can put your hand where you like."
RLA - "Oli did the stuffing."
OPB - "How many times have you been in a warm friendship sandwich?"
RLA - "I remain fully extended at all times."
RLA - "I hate having wet pants."
RLA - "Imogen, I'm going on top."
DCWR - "What's the point in having babies if there's no Guild for them to go to?"
RLA - "I don't indulge in anything weird. Well, within reason."
JJW - "I've always had very mobile eyebrows. Thank you!"
JDS - "Does anyone want to come upstairs and help me take things off?"
RLA - "Just stick it in, James!"
SPB - "What's sexy?" IRD - "Me."