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Miscellaneous 2018

JGH to BTM - "We can go home together."

RLA - "My occiput only has seven tentacles."

OPB to BTM - "I'll show you a big cannon."

RCH - "Back into the anals of Guild history."

JJW - "Everybody stop being so interested in Sam's trousers!"

JJW to JGH - "Have you been told about the emergency bottom?"

MAB to LTWS (at a rope and rubber-ware evening) - "Well, I'd better go down and tuck an end in."

OPB - "John Hutchinson present 'How many ways can you ring my bell?'."

OPB - "If we were just arbitrarily having sex with each other that would be incestuous."

OPB to JJW - "I'll show you a wobbly column."

JJW - "Squirt, squirt, squirt. Blow, blow, blow."

Michaelmas Term 2017

JRAD - "They’re not going to get my beautiful dong."

JRAD - "Have you ever tried to make a tuning fork out of cheese?"

JJW - "I want to get some bottom in it." JRAD - "I wouldn’t judge you for trying to put it in there."

JRAD - "The only way for Courtney to keep his beard is to never shave it off."

CJS to SDJ - "You chip in with the occasional bit of cleavage."

SDJ - "I’m pretty sure babies are magnetic."

BTM to RLA - "How are you with affection?"

JRAD - "You just have to hook it up and bang it."

OPB - "I have some drilling to do before bedtime."

SPB - "Rachel’s the only one enjoying Joe’s ass."

JJW - "It was much easier getting it back up again."

BTM to RLA - "I have nothing left to do but snog you."

JJW - "There once was a girl from Swansea,

Who was sweet as a person can be,

As a New Year’s surprise,

The sight of her thighs,

Was something no one could un-see."

OPB to RFK - "Do you want to do something stimulating?"

CJS - "You wouldn’t want to have too many fail safes because one of them might fail."

OPB - "I would love to live my life drinking beer and espressos."

CJS - "I’m feeling sticky."

CJS to JJW - "I was thinking what would happen if we became one."

JGH - "I’m definitely high enough for college chapel."

JJW - *look of horror* "It’s okay, I just realised I haven’t made my sandwich for tomorrow."

CJS - "Oli could feel it but he couldn’t quite grasp it."

CJS - "That’s not where my finger goes."

Summer 2017

JJW - "If they flaunt it you’re allowed to look."

HJMAA - "How did you know it was male?" HG - "As it became bigger it became more obvious."

CJS - "I see people who occasionally rub their hands in other people’s bushes as they walk past."

JJW - "Hi Ben, nice abs [whilst stroking]."

JRAD - "You could probably blow something in a shape of a bell."

JJW (to OPB) - "Are you fully committed to the V?"

HG (to JHJE) - "James’s life is always an emergency."

CJS - "Oli has not left me with much faith in engineers."

BTM - "Does anyone want to be the Jack to my Rose?" CJS - "Are you going to be the one wearing the necklace and no clothes?"

CJS (to IFES) - "Are you happy with my fingers?"

BTM - "I wonder if I can make the toilet system wireless."

IFES - "Joe can get it up quickly."

JJW - "All the times you were smashed I was smasheder."

SPB (to RLA) - "It’s a bit short, it’s not very satisfying at this length."

May 2017

OPB - "Every time you drop a backstroke, a kitten dies."

JJW - "One is my bag for bells and this is my bag for boobs! Wait!! I meant booze!"

HJMAA - "Just shove it in, Courtney."

RLA - "If they're not my friend, I don't want to stick my hand in their pouch.

RLA - "Big fat Megan wedding!"

Unknown - "...camping in Rachel's pants." MAC - "What better way to spend my wedding night?"

CJS (to JRAD) - "You spread your juices far!"

CJS - "You're burning all the blacks; what is your problem?"

CJS - "Oh man, I am moist."

Socialising April 2017

CJS - "The bulge is twitching."

JRAD - "Give it a wipe." OPB - "And stick it in someone else."

CJS (to JJW) - "Did it just slip off your wood?"

OPB - "Skewer then spoon, that's my motto."

RLA - "We need to have therapy kittens." JHJE - "You just need therapy, Rachel."

JHJE - "The problem with Scotland is..."

JHJE - "I like to frequent the female toilets."

Guild Dinner 2017

JJW (to IRD) - "You can stroke my unicorn if you like."

SPB - "Joe's unicorn has got a nice long horn."

MAC (to RLA) - "You should see my bum!"

RLA (to IRD) - "Stay in my bed."

JJW - "Is bottom difficult?"

Guild Pancakes 2017

CJS - "Topologically, it is no longer a pancake."

BTM (to RLA) - "You might be the only person I'd rather be seen with my dad dancing."

JJW - "If you squeeze the fleshy bit, does water drop out?"

Jesus Formal 2017

RLA (to SPB) - "I don't think age has improved you."

CJS - "What speed do you ... like ... usually stroke at?"

JJW - "It's gone in as far as it's going to go."

OUS Dinner 2017

JJW - "I have a cosmic glow ... ooh!"

JJW - "I swear I'm not as think as you drunk I am."

RLA - "Courtney, you are a banana!"

Pub Trips

CJS - "If you don't call it an addiction, it's not a problem."

CJS - (Doing origami) "I've got this, but it involves a lot of folding."

 JJW - "Until you said that, I was quite enjoying the idea of being farmed."

CJS - "It isn't quite as big as I think it is."

CJS - "The Queen! Who's the queen?"

JHJE - "Sam could stay perfectly still if he were moving at 8 km/s that way."

Guild New Year 2017

RLA - "I think I've got wood chippings in my underwear ... Ooh! I do!"

SDJ - "I wouldn't be too upset about geting her in my face in the morning."

OPB - "Time to lube up this Quorn!"

SDJ - "I've got swag."

JJW (to RKF) - "I feel very privileged that you've opened your legs as a communication channel for me."

RLA - "What's that, so bony and hard? Oh, it's your hip." RKF - "That's not my hip..."

Christ's Formal 2016

BTM - "They're not your elders unless they drink more than you."

BTM - "I always wanted to be Benedict Ulysses M'Caw, but then I realised what it spelt."

Pub Trips 2016

JJW - "The only reason I don't kill people to eat them..."

HJMAA - "Well, I've tried washing up chocolate buttons."

JJW - "I was actually almost sober that time."

JRAD - "I wasn't confused, but now I am."

CJS - "I can't understand how it's not beer."

RLA - "Spillage is lickage, but not off my legs."

IRD - "Are you talking about the science of glow-in-the-dark condoms?" JHJE - "Yes." IRD - "And that is why you have never used them."

JJW (to IRD) - "It will only make it worse if you take your trousers off."

RLA - "Imogen just didn't swallow enough."

SDJ - "You've never been very affectionate with me..." IRD - "Would you like me to be?"

CJS (to HJMAA) - "Hang on, just let me get under."

CJS - "Hypothetically, if I wanted to murder someone..."

RLA - "I thought we were quite normal."

JJW (to CJS) - "Can I just check, did I spoonerise you in my head?"

JJW - "I quite like the feeling of suction against the table."

AJC (to JJW) - "Not all words have an 'l' in them."

JJW - "We didn't have any bottoms."

OPB - "... and then you stick your shaft in the hole, and then spin it around really quickly."

JJW - "I'll leave the licking for an emergency."

JED - "I think you know that if you want to whip it out, it's there."

JED - "It's nice and warm as well, if you feel the wood."

JED - "I'm still flashing on the back."

HJMAA (to RAS) - "Would you lick that one out?"

JHJE (to JED) - "If Sam suddenly fathered your child..."

CJS - "Underneath the table, you could be touching things."

JED - "... in North Yorkshire." CJS - "That's not even super close to Germany, is it?"

SUA Weekend 2016

JJW - "Is everybody happy with touching?"

CJS - "I'm not good with people either."

HJMAA - "I didn't have anything more to say." MAC - "Phew!"

OPB (to CJS) - "If sallies make you harder, that's fine!"

OPB - "Nipple rolling. Remember that."

HJMAA - "I was just making a nipple sandwich."

StAG Practice

CJS - "It makes sense when you think about it, but when you don't..."

MAC - "What's the average toilet time? CJS - "He's left his log book at home"

Pembroke Formal 2016

CJS - "Either get me drunk or touch me!"

RLA - "James, can I come to the toilet with you?"

Guild Week 2016

JJW - "I was going to turn off all the dark."

HJMAA - "How long does an 8 minute bus journey take?"

JJW - "Ooh! I've got a good flow going."

Alternative Dinner 2016

RLA - "These are the kind of balls where if they were animals, I'd want to take them and pet them."

RLA - "Do you want me to carry on doing this some more... I can't stop salivating, I was going to stop."

RLA - "I like stroking and pulling... My hobbies do involve stroking and pulling."

SPB (to OPB) - "Do you stroke before you pull or pull before you stroke?"

RLA - "I can live my life as a mushroom dumpling, that wouldn't be too bad actually."

SPB - "Can I suggest that we change the rules to let animals in?" IRD - "Then we can have Rachel!"

DCWR - "Where's it from?" JED - "I don't know because it's in French."

RLA - "Where are my bush things?"

SPB - "Courtney went straight in there with the balls."

JED - "Every time I do it, it hurts and so I stop."

CJS - "Oh man, I've been bad sometimes."

RLA - "Where does it go?" JJW - "I've found the holes."

Various Pub Trips 2016

JJW (to CJS) - "Are your balls extraordinarily big?"

CJS - "People don't get smarter the more you add up their decisions."

OPB (to JJW) - "Inside voice please."

JHJE - "If you've ever been in a portaloo, you know what evil smells like."

RLA - "You are a top baguette, Oli."

OPB - "I can't believe anyone could be fundamentally cleverer than me."

LTWS - "What's your favourite coursing order?"

CJS - "Well, time to inseminate myself."

SDJ - "I can't handle large balls."

JJW - "My sphere of fear is filled with beer."

JJW - "I'm scared, I don't know what I like."

Guild Dinner 2016

JJW - "Rachel, can you take that much loving?"

JJW - "I love all the Guild! I love the Guild! I love the Guild! I love the Guild!"

JJW - "It's got remarkably less late since I got the drunked."

JJW - "I'm drunk and I'm more right than you are."

JRAD - "I don't want to spend my entire life quoting Joe."

CJS - "I often grope at things, but it doesn't mean I want them."

Pub February 2016

RLA - "Megan, just because you can't carry me doesn't mean we can't get married!"

RLA - "Stab it in and pull it out. That's the theory."

JHJE - "I don't know, I've never been dead before."

StAG February 2016

MAC - "You've already trialled, this is just going to be error."

[Silence] AJC - "My laugh's quite high-pitched, isn't it?"

OUS Dinner 2016

JJW - "I'm an experimentalist, but not that much."

JJW - "I'm quite impressed, my buttocks are fully on the chair!"

Magdalene Formal 2016

JJW - "Let's be fair, her anatomy isn't exactly standard."

OPB - "I would like to see Will in hulk mode."

WTB - "You can test out my pillar."

RLA - "I shall stem the tide of evil!"

Christmas Dinner 2015

CJS - "I love nuts!... You missed my point."

OPB - "Courtney wants to look at the boob." CJS - "It's squidgier than I thought it would be."

JRAD - "There's a probe waiting for me on my desk."

OPB - "The boob can come out again, if you like?"

OPB - " Booze, babes and bells!"

JJW - "I'll have to find my trousers again."

Pub Trips 2015

IRD - "You can put your hand where you like."

RLA - "Oli did the stuffing."

OPB - "How many times have you been in a warm friendship sandwich?"

RLA - "I remain fully extended at all times."

RLA - "I hate having wet pants."

RLA - "Imogen, I'm going on top."

DCWR - "What's the point in having babies if there's no Guild for them to go to?"

RLA - "I don't indulge in anything weird. Well, within reason."

JJW - "I've always had very mobile eyebrows. Thank you!"

JDS - "Does anyone want to come upstairs and help me take things off?"

RLA - "Just stick it in, James!"

SPB - "What's sexy?" IRD - "Me."